It is hard to believe that it has been over a year since my last post, In the Wilderness, but truly, that is where we have been. And now in the Wilderness we have discovered a new place, in the woods in a serene bay on a beautiful lake. Yes, we are still in the Wilderness as I suspect we will continue to be, for some time….
Yet much continues to change, to unfold. The year has brought with it new things, a new home and all that comes with it, projects galore and learning the lake life. Wow, it is pretty cool. I feel blessed.
But the structure, while very fun, is but a building: a different place, with new surroundings. The intent and the hope is that it allows for a new start, a chance to move past surviving and moving toward becoming again, towards thriving. For what is but a life worth living if stuck in the past or swimming against a current of resistance? When life takes a major stance against where you are going, you have but 3 options; you can dig in and hold on for dear life, you can get swept away, or you can start to paddle hard with the current finding a new route and a new place to set foot on land as you move ahead downstream. All of the options take work but only one gets you to where you need to be going. Only one moves you towards your destination.
In the grieving process, you do all of the above at times. Though the latter is the best of the options, it is by no means that simple. Part of the difficulty is that the current is frequently changing even after the big tide came in and crashed into and over your boat. While you are coming up for air and assessing the damage, more waves, more winds, more turbulence with which to contend. You go back to fix the greatest areas of damage and loss only to spring new leaks. The pesky ones keep you from finishing the first task…
But we press on…
As I continue to experience the waves of the grieving process I am learning that once I really had not a clue as to what it was really about. I thought it was simply an order of stages that you went through and wa la !…you were healed. Now I know better. Grieving is the healing process. It is not the process that heals you, it is the healing process that transforms you. While the “reasons” why we lose is hard to define, the purpose of a loss is to transform, and transforming can be a major renovation project.
Yes indeed grief is as much of a beginning as it is an ending. Yet the consensus, I believe is that we have just ended, ceased to exist in some way. The life beyond grief is so stigmatized and confusing for most of us that we don’t know how to relate to it. This is true for those of us that are going through it, and it is true for those who are around us, as we often sense a similar awkwardness in these relationships that are being transformed. For who are we now? In addition to losing our loved one, we face many losses and/or changes in our relationships with others. It is quite complex and more that can be explained in this brief blog but this is the process that takes so long to unfold…
Yes being here, in the Wilderness is indeed mysterious. It is about hunting for and gathering for information about others, and learning, in a place of solitude and wonder about ourselves. There are visitors that you know well that still frequent the woods, and an occasional sighting is made in the distance from someone you once had a strong bond. Yet you wonder as they pass by….do they know me? Have they ever known me? Did I know myself…?
And there are original people that come to check out what this is all about. Perhaps they too are part of this new found land. Perhaps they too are becoming anew and maybe, just maybe, they are meant to join in for more than just a brief encounter. Could it be that they are being transformed with you and both and all are becoming together to be a part of this unfolding purpose?
Yes people…relationships…what a place that they have in this unforeseen place! Some scatter. Some linger. A few we fight for, some we have to let go of and some are redefined. We don’t know who will return or who we will seek out everlasting…but there is a plan for all somewhere in this Wilderness.
